These economic times coincide with an increase in the sale of all types of alcoholic beverages. And I feel it is in the best interest of mankind to suggest some strategies that a man can use to mitigate marital strife caused by his occasional drunken and intemperate proclamations that he may not remember the next morning.
After a night of over indulgence, a man must be on guard for signs (some barely perceptible and others glaringly obvious) that alcohol dissolved the barrier between his better judgment and the baser elements of his psyche.
If the man notices any sign of indignation or anger in his wife’s demeanor he must proceed with caution. Never ask, ‘what’s the matter?’ because the answer will generally be, ‘nothing!’. Probing further is as productive as poking a hornet’s nest with a stick. The more cautious approach is to bring up some benign subject and let her take the lead. Once it has been established that she is sufficiently pissed, the man will then know he had said something he shouldn’t have. Again, It is best to let the wife take the lead.
As she begins the unfolding of his embarrassing indiscretions, the man should never object that he didn’t say what she is recounting, because she could probably tell him anything and he would have no way of disproving it. He should also not become angry because he will then open the flood gates of her wrath.
My strategy can take some practice to perfect. If a man begins employing this strategy and realizes he is in over his head, he must bail and begin groveling. To continue will cause suspicion, especially if poor implementation of this strategy is attempted on successive occasions. It is best that a man practice on a friend before diving into a strategy that could backfire into divorce (unless that is the goal).
The man must learn to draw out clues from his wife in an attempt to shed light on his actions of the previous night. The more quick witted man will use these clues to reweave the fabric of his misdeeds. Those less able must practice enough to develop some ‘canned’ responses for most any impropriety for which he feels he is capable.
The following dialog between a drunken lout and his wife provides a good example of a quick thinker employing my strategy.
